Not a good post

This will be a rather personal, and probably long, post.

I haven't been around lately: due to serious technical and (thankfully less serious, but still) health-related issues I had to put my shop on hold.
And just as I'm getting back on track, I'm hit with the news I really didn't think I'll ever hear. News of something I thought was unthinkable. I was naive enough to think that reason will prevail. But yesterday UK decided to leave the EU. Today, I experienced the worst, biggest, and longest panic attack in my life. It lasted from around 10am to 6pm. I couldn't even walk my dog. I was physically sick, my heart was pounding, I was shaking. I'm not exaggerating.

British pound hit the lowest point in over 30 years falling 10% overnight. This caused economies around the world to experience problems as well. There's talk about another world-wide recession thanks to this. Scotland will likely hold another independence referendum, some in Northern Ireland are thinking about joining the republic. I'm really, really worried about situation in NI destabilising. It was relatively safe and peaceful here, but now... let's just say, that my dad was smugly asked by his coworker today if he knew what "cleansing" meant. That's... an implied threat of ethnic cleansing. If that isn't absolutely terrifying, I don't know what is.

My anxiety, one I spent a lot of effort to bring to manageable levels, is through the roof. I'm probably overacting in this (that's what anxiety disorder does to you, after all), but I'm actually pretty scared of going out of the house right now.

Legally, I'm in pretty good position: I have right to apply for permanent residency, and very good chance of getting one. That would solve eventual legal problems after UK finally leaves. What is really terrifying for me is the surge of nationalism all over Europe. Last time there was an economical crisis combined with nationalism in Europe it didn't end very well. I should know. I'm Polish, Hitler came for us first. I'm worried about radicalisation of people over here. Of xenophobes, racists, nazi-wannabes crawling out of whatever dark, dank holes they're hiding in right now. I'm worried about more people in Europe radicalising as well as said xenophobes gain something that can be considered a visible support. I'm worried about the future of EU: say what you will about it, but it brings a lot of people together, making war in Europe difficult. And that's a Very Good Thing.
The easier people can travel, the easier it's for them to meet others. And that leads to more open, more tolerant nations, less prone to getting at each other's throat.

Not to mention that this wonderful man called Nigel Farage already backtracked on one of the leave campaign main promises. They said the 350mln UK supposedly sends to EU (that's not exactly true) weekly, will go to NHS. Well, today, not even 12 hours after the leave vote was known, he already said that "he cannot guarantee this, that this claim was a mistake, and that people who voted leave because of that have made a mistake". Yeah, well, so... good job to those who believed anything that man spouts, and to him for admitting on public TV that they basically lied to people. He was totally unapologetic. Oh, and David Cameron, who started this whole damned mess, announced his resignation. Yeah, you made a huge mess, and now you're running away, leaving it to others to clean up. Not to mention, he started all of this, and then asked people to vote stay? The lack of integrity in this individual is astounding. I don't normally swear, but honestly, fuck them. Not literally though.

I also saw someone saying that they were "shocked and worried about UK leaving"... thing is, that was a person who voted leave. Maybe, just maybe, if the though of leaving the EU is shocking and worrying for you... maybe you shouldn't have voted to leave.

Oh, and majority of people between 18-40 wanted to stay. Most people with higher education degrees wanted to stay. All of Scotland and majority of NI wanted to stay. EU gives more money for UK eductation than UK government does. The trend for cutting education funds, and rising uni fees started when Cameron's government was elected. They already made it much more difficult for people from low income, and even average income families to access higher education than those well-off. Imagine how will it look after EU funds dry up. EU also protects UK environment. The government tried to find a way to find a wiggle room in directives before... after UK leaves, there won't be any to stop them from doing as much damage as they want. And one of the people running for the next Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, seems like a climate-change denier to me. This will go so well.

I saw someone sum it up today perfectly: if Donald Trump and Marie Le Pen congratulate you on something you did and think it's a good idea... it's probably time to think long and hard about your actions.

There's so much more, but this is getting really long, and I'm just... I'm swinging between terrified out of my mind, to depressed, to completely apathetic.

So here it is. Probable economic crisis, a signal for all nationalists in Europe that they're not alone, implied threats of violence, climate-change deniers at the helm, unprotected UK environment, and generally, just a crap-load of bullshit. And that's just today. And the world seems to be going to hell.